I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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