my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
