So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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