hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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