I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
