I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
