i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
