I cannot find my penis.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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