You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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