evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
is that a dick in a sweater?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
