just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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