We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
