my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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