My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
