I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
