My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Everything about him screamed your future.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
