Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
