His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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