Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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