haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
