she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
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Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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