Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
