toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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