Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
