I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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