Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
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...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
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In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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