I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
