And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Are we still banned from the library?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
