i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
