I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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