he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
