Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
