To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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