I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
