happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
