I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
