that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
