Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
