yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
