how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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