The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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