Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
