matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
