I hate all girls vehemently.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
