Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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