weddingsv make me drug and hornr
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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