When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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