I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
