First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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