Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Semen is not good for contacts.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I believe in your delicious
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
