i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
God I need to hump something, right now.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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