Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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