I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
