who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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