I hope my margaritas pass through security.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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