thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
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Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
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Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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