we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
