I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
